Name: Cicero Date: 106 – 43 BCE Region: Rome [modern Italy] Citation: Letters To Atticus 1.18.1 |
Atticus, the only thing I need right
now is one person that I can unload my troubles to, who cares for me, who knows
me, who can talk to me. I need someone I don’t have to be fake around, someone
I don’t have to lie to, someone I don’t have to walk on eggshells around.
Right now, my brother—my breath of
fresh air, my dearest one—isn’t here. Metellus isn’t really a person, but a
“deserted beach and air and empty desert.”
And you—who have so often comforted my
anxiety and my stress with your kind words and advice, you who are my
right-hand man in politics, you who know my every private thought, you who are
usually by my side in all my dealings and all my business—where are you?
I have been so utterly forsaken by
everybody, that the only refuge I can find is with my wife and my little girl
and my sweet son Junior.
All of those social-climbing and fake
“friends” I have in public don’t exist in private. Although my home office is
full during business hours, and when I travel to the Forum I’m surrounded by a
flock of “friends,” but out of that giant flock of people, I can’t really find
a single person with whom I can laugh or cry with.
And so I wait for you. I long for you.
I’m begging for you. I’m really stressed right now. I feel like if I could just
talk with you for a little bit, I’d be okay.
Cicero Attico Sal.
Nihil
mihi nunc scito tam deesse quam hominem eum, quocum omnia, quae me cura aliqua
adficiunt, una communicem, qui me amet, qui sapiat, quicum ego cum loquar,
nihil fingam, nihil dissimulem, nihil obtegam.
Abest enim
frater aphelestatos et amantissimus. Metellus non homo, sed
"litus atque aer et solitudo mera." Tu autem, qui saepissime curam et
angorem animi mei sermone et consilio levasti tuo, qui mihi et in publica re
socius et in privatis omnibus conscius et omnium meorum sermonum et consiliorum
particeps esse soles, ubinam es? Ita sum ab omnibus destitutus, ut tantum
requietis habeam, quantum cum uxore et filiola et mellito Cicerone consumitur.
Nam illae ambitiosae nostrae fucosaeque amicitiae sunt in quodam splendore
forensi, fructum domesticum non habent. Itaque, cum bene completa domus est
tempore matutino, cum ad forum stipati gregibus amicorum descendimus, reperire
ex magna turba neminem possumus, quocum aut iocari libere aut suspirare
familiariter possimus. Quare te exspectamus, te desideramus, te iam etiam
arcessimus. Multa sunt enim, quae me sollicitant anguntque; quae mihi videor
aures nactus tuas unius ambulationis sermone exhaurire posse.
Cicero [Marcus Tullius Cicero; 106 – 43 BCE, modern Italy] was an Italian-born Roman statesman and author who lived during the complexities of Rome’s transition from Republic to monarchy. Cicero spent most of his life in service of his country, serving as both a lawyer, senator, and even consul [Roman equivalent of president]. He is known for his suppression of the failed governmental coup in 63 BCE known as the Catilinarian conspiracy that occurred during his consulship. After the rise of Octavian [later known as the first Roman emperor Augustus], his views fell out of favor and he was eventually put to death during the proscriptions under the Second Triumvirate [Octavian, Marc Antony and Lepidus]. He was a prolific author in a wide range in genres, and his literary style was adopted by Petrarch as the default model for the Latin language.
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