Not Yours To Control: Perpetua 5

 The Passion of St. Perpetua and St. Felicitas is one of the earliest Christian writings. Here, Perpetua shows agency in her own life by valuing her religion over what others will think of her family.

Name:  St. Perpetua Date:  203 CE Region:  Madaura [modern Algeria] Citation:  Passio Sanctarum Perpetuae et Felicitatis

After a few days, we heard a rumor that we would be heard [in trial]. My father came to visit me from the city, worn out with worry. He approached me, and said, “Daughter, pity my old age. Pity your father! If I am worthy to still be called your father, if I raised you to womanhood with my own hands, if I cherished you over all of your brothers, don’t let me get dragged down by other people’s trash talk. Think about your brothers! Think about your mother and your aunt! Think about your son, who will die without you! Stop being so brave, or you’ll ruin us all. If something happens to you, none of us will be able to speak freely about it...” My dad said this out of concern for his family, kissing my hands and throwing himself at my feet. He wept, and called me “lady,” not “daughter.” And I was upset for my dad, for he was the only person who wasn’t happy for me out of my whole family. And I comforted him, saying, “What happens at the gallows is God’s will. Please know that I am not yours to control, but rather I’m in God’s hands.” And he left me, upset.

Post paucos dies rumor cucurrit ut audiremur. Supervenit autem et de civitate pater meus, consumptus taedio, et ascendit ad me, ut me deiceret, dicens: “Miserere, filia, canis meis; miserere patri, si dignus sum a te pater vocari; si his te manibus ad hunc florem aetatis provexi, si te praeposui omnibus fratribus tuis: ne me dederis in dedecus hominum. Aspice fratres tuos, aspice matrem tuam et materteram, aspice filium tuum qui post te vivere non poterit. Depone animos; ne universos nos extermines. Nemo enim nostrum libere loquetur, si tu aliquid fueris passa.” Haec dicebat quasi pater pro sua pietate basians mihi manus et se ad pedes meos iactans et lacrimans me iam non “filiam” nominabat, sed “dominam.” Et ego dolebam casum patris mei quod solus de passione mea gavisurus non esset de toto genere meo. Et confortavi eum dicens: “Hoc fiet in illa catasta quod Deus voluerit. Scito enim nos non in nostra esse potestate constitutos, sed in Dei.” Et recessit a me contristatus.